Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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