Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
