xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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