can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
