I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
