If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
