I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
