my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
