my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
