You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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