Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
