Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
