You can't motorboat a personality
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
