Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
