did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
