Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
