I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
