"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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