turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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