dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't deserve a penis
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
