i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my shit smells like andre
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
