They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
