naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
