I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
