I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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