Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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