I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
