Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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