I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
