Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
