The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
