i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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