Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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