well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want her autograph on my taint
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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