I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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