i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
