I wish I only lived at night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
