if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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