He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
