does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
