Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drunk is a universal language darling
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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