Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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