Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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