we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
True strength comes from lack of pants
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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