I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
