Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
