GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
