I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
