my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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