I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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