"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was like eating out sand paper
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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