Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
