Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
