I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
