i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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