I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
