PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
